Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
