Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Come on in and take your pants off
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