break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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