Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If its not for food we ain't going out.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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