I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
