I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
