last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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