I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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