dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
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I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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