Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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