if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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