Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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