Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
