Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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