I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
