You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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