Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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