Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hippo gnu deer
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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