I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So many bounce houses so little time
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
