Quick, to the slutcave!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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