I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
