I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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