Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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