I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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