My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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