some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
