I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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