What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My feet surprised me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
