remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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