maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
