its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
