Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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