Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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