U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
