i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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