So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
