Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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