That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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