Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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