3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
