so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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