I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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