New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
