My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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