maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
