I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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