We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
