I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
