Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
