is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
