I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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