think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
