Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
