Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
