so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
