Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
