That's when you crack a 10am beer
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Who died my cat blue again?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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