she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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