A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
