kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
