I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
