I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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